So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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