My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
