Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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