The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
