You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
