Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
