so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
