I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize