Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
