I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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