These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
