...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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