they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
