the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
