ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
