I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
