If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
