Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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