apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize