I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
