Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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