there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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