I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize