well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
