I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
