i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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