I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
