You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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