it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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