Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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