I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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