I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
