I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
