awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize