im drinking this country out of the recession.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
