Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
