my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
