if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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