so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize