I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
