After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
