I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
