In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
