is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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