Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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