I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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