he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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