You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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