apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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