I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
be right there i have to get my cape
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
