i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
