There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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