Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
that's an acceptable place to lick
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
