why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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