Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
