Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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