I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
