A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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