I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
