You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
