I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
