After last night, I could never be a politician.
barbara walters just said penis...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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