I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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