Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
