What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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