FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
