he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
